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I am not a man who waits for things. I do not believe in delayed gratification or saving money for purchases or vacations, nor do I subscribe to the theory that good things come to those who wait. I like to live in the moment, whether that’s putting an incredibly expensive purchase on an already racked up credit card, or eating that fourth helping of pizza at the buffet.
I am also a Duke basketball fan. My life revolves around those short glorious months between November and (hopefully) early April when my beloved Blue Devils are traipsing up and down the court, embarrassing people and every once in a while breaking my heart with a loss to teams whose names rhyme with “knee-high” and “parazona.”
Since I work, as I’m sure most of you do, and since I am a Duke fan, as I’m sure most of you are, I suffer from two problems you most likely do as well.
- I have to DVR quite a few games during the season;
- Anytime Duke loses, starts to lose, is losing for more than three seconds, or doesn’t win by as much as they should, I get a million texts/phone calls/tweets/Facebook notifications from people making fun of me, talking crap, or basically just busting my balls.
I hope you can appreciate my dilemma. On the one hand, I’m having to DVR a game, which means waiting for the results, often until I get off work, cook myself a nice meal, and send the kids to bed so I can curse at the television if I need to and/or say decidedly inappropriate things about the opposing team’s mothers. On the other hand, I obviously can’t keep my telephone on during this period of waiting, lest I be assaulted by the outcome of the game prematurely, which in my mind negates the watching of said game, particularly if it resulted in a loss.
So let me give you an example of a typical human interaction that takes place between myself and a nice person who knows I like Duke that I casually run into when I’m in a period of “dropping off the grid.”
Nice Person: “Hey Travis!”
Me: “IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DUKE GAME DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT IT I RECORDED IT.”
Nice Person: … *walks away*
Essentially it’s like that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry tapes the Mets game and then answers the phone by yelling at the person not to say anything about taping the Mets game.
Now here’s my second issue. If, say, Duke loses to someone whose mascot is a short, impish man who may or may not have an affinity for gold coins and rainbows, and I’ve sunk all this time into avoiding people and my precious technology, I feel like I’ve been cheated out of the hours I lost. On Saturday I shut my phone off at 3 p.m. and didn’t turn it back on until 9.
And I was pissed. Not to mention that I spent a good portion of the Irish games beforehand making fun of Sherman, who it turns out is some sort of bearded magical post presence and spent the entire game making various Blue Devils his girlfriend.
That’s six hours of tweets, Words with Friends updates, and Snapchats that I missed out on all for a two-point loss to a team with fans I didn’t even know they had until the clock hit zero.
Maybe I just need to quit my job.
You can follow Travis on twitter at @TStyles77.